Meandering from this apartment out of a Wes Anderson dream, I stopped by Boswell Books a block away and bought "How to Advertise Apartments for Dummies.” It says I need to gain your trust before you'll give me your money.

So let me start by saying... I agree with ALL your political beliefs. Your theory that [member of Jonas Brothers] orchestrated [global event] to awaken [ancient civilization deity] totally makes sense!!

I purposely used two exclamations even though I loathe extraneous punctuation. That's how important this is. Your flailing social status has only one anodyne, the infinite coolness of being an East Sider. Those Wes Anderson characters will look Basic next to the new you.

Located on the filet mignon of Downer Ave, you’ve got Starbucks, Boswell, Pizza Man, Downer Theater, BelAir, Sendiks… the list goes longer than the obscene receipts at CVS across from The Hollander.

I can tell by your artsy glasses that you've got a poet's heart or you bought them online without a friend's counsel. Surely you'll notice the abundant little nooks to make your own.

Yet, somehow we also have the practicality of FREE heat, three bedrooms, a big ole living room, formal dining room, in-unit washer / dryer and private parking.

Bonus: since you trust me, when you tour, I’ll tell you if those glasses gotta go. Read More