Your Life Accomplishments:


Age 4: your cuteness peaked. It has all been downhill from there.
Age 8: you performed your last successful cartwheel (NYE ‘24 doesn’t count since you botched the landing).
Age 20: discovered you'd been mispronouncing... “pecan” your entire life.


Today: You found the most magical apartment. Every morning peeking out your top floor window overlooking the East Side the world feels infinitely expanding and impossibly small.


The lively exposed Chicago pink brick walls remind you a couple blocks away awaits vibrant Downer Ave featuring restaurants, Downer Theater, salons, and a bunch of esoteric boutiques whose existence only QAnon conspiracies can explain. Thank goodness for your two serenity-inducing bathrooms beckoning you back home each night.


Sit by the huge living room bay window scheming up a day of adventures as you await linens drying in your in-unit laundry room. Perhaps said adventure involves perfecting a three-tiered chantilly cake in your gourmet kitchen on your quartz counters.


Unfortunately, we stopped taking rent payments in the form of chantilly cakes back in 2018. However, if you rent this apartment, I’ll help you surreptitiously slip your self-published cook books on the shelves of Boswell Books down the block. Read More